Photo courtesy of Gratisography
Hi readers!
If you are here, welcome. Maybe you know me, maybe you don’t. Maybe you are like me. Or maybe not.
I appreciate you stopping by.
Most leaders care. They really do. That’s my experience. It’s also true to say many leaders don’t know what they don’t know. That’s true for all of us.
I entered tech right out of college. I also entered the comedy world. I ran parallel paths for many years. 20+ years later, I started my own company to blend the two worlds. Yes, I led marketing and comms teams in tech for over 15 years as well as spent over 20+ years performing and teaching on comedy stages.
It’s important to establish that baseline. I entered the work world in the mid 90s in tech.
That’s when reality came calling.
I realized I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. That how I looked, who I was, was all part of the deal. I didn’t know that. Until I was in it.
When I came up in tech and eventually got promoted, it was because of my ability to get stuff done. The way I was inculcated was “don’t bring me problems; bring me solutions.”
So I tried that route. It’s what I KNEW. It’s how I was managed. And I was thrust into management without training. Thankfully I had comedy and improv comedy training.
Still. I emulated what I was managed by.
Guess what? It did not work well. Turns out men just LOVE women bosses </sarcasm>.
It’s ALL I knew.
Look…that work ethic is problematic at best. Harmful at worst.
That mentality is still so deeply entrenched and it’s a big problem.
Your team does not sit where you sit or see what you see. Hell, they’re not in the meetings you are in. Lucky them.
Still…your job is work with them to make it safe to speak up. I remember coming to my boss and saying “I think this is an issue. I don’t see what you see and I am speaking up so you can work with me to get a handle on it. You have a 360 view I don’t have.”
I was yelled at. Because I didn’t have answers. How could I?
Total garbage, right? Maybe you’ve done that because it’s what you knew and it’s the leadership ‘way’ you were taught. Me too. And it’s shit. Sorry to burst any bubble. Pure garbage.
SHIT rolls downhill…fast!
Your team doesn’t have your perspective. So they come to you with a piece of a puzzle hoping you make sense WITH them. And then you treat them this way, you shit on them. Really. You just made it unsafe to speak up. You gave them STFU signals.
That’s right! STFU signals. You think you encourage your team to speak up because you say it. No one gives a shit. What they listen to is all the ways you make it unsafe to do so. That’s right. They listen to the loudest, most unsafe signals in the room.
What your team wants most is green lights from you. They want to know you have their backs. No matter what.
And this way of managing is pure garbage. It’s harmful. It’s more than just unhelpful; it’s beyond detrimental. After this happened to me, I felt unsafe to speak up. I was already a rare animal: a woman in my group who managed a team of men. And when this happened, I felt unwelcome. I felt SHIT on. Because speaking up for me in that context was already hard. I already had to surmount many more obstacles to even say ‘hey this is an issue.’ And you made it unwelcome by adding onto my struggles.
Keeping doing that and your team won’t tell you ANYTHING.
When it’s unsafe to say anything, you won’t know. BECAUSE it’s not safe to tell you.
You live in a vacuum and think no news is ok.
Nope. It’s not.
No news is bad news.
The thing is: when you treat people this way, they stop telling you what you need to know. Sure a small percent will. These people are Navy Seals - they don’t care. Most people won’t. And you just told them it’s no longer safe to speak up. You shit on them and gave them STFU signals.
Whether you meant to or not.
That’s a huge fucking problem.
People come to you to help say this is a problem. I don’t have all the answers, can you help me make sense?
We need these people. Desperately.
I don’t want to burn the building with people in it. I want them safely out before we burn down old structures that don’t work. I am a benevolent arsonist. You should be, too.
We all should be. Because these old ways of working don’t work.
We also have to deal with the fact that women and people of color experience psychological safety differently. I came up in tech at a time when it mostly men. I often would be the only woman or one of two in a department.
You think your team and you have everyone’s back. It’s not that simple.
You might be sending STFU signals you don’t even realize you are sending. And your leaderSHIT is hurting people. It’s not just unhelpful.
LeaderSHIT creates active harm
That’s a big truth to take in.
What do you think?